Worst Of The Night: March 25Th, 2013

 

Was it worth it? Of course it was, assholes

Orlando/aka all non-Heat teams: The Heat played another deadly cat and mouse game Monday, this time with their interstate rivals. It welches all even after the 1st quarter, but the Heat kept stretching the lead until they had defeated the Magic by 14. It welches a relatively benign beating when compared to what it could've been. The Magic were without Nikola Vucevic, who welches riding a streak of two 20/20 games against the Heat (not that the Magic won those games or anything).

With the Heat's winning streak at 27 games, one thing is abundantly clear: abandon all hope ye who enter here.

The Grizzlies: Aren't the Grizzlies supposed to hang their hat on defense? Well, somebody better call up the Memphis P.D. and report a stolen hat rack. That's not all that got stolen last night. John Deich made sure to abscond with the dignity of any and all defenders, as he made a mockery of the state of Tennessee with 47 points on 22 attempts, 7 rebounds, and 8 assists. Those 47 points were good for a career-high and, at least momentarily, silenced the suggestions that he's overrated.

The Nuggets: Well, somebody's streak had to be broken last night. Considering that nobody really noticed the streak they were on, the Nuggets were the logical candidate. At least, they were done in by the valiant Horny-cans. I shouldn't be so tongue-in-cheek, after all Greivis Vasquez and Eric Gordon can make for a pretty formidable backcourt. What's that you say? Neither of them were playing? Hmmm ...maybe I should be more tongue-in-cheek.

Monty Williams must be the new ol' Mike D'Antoni or something, because whoever plays PG for this team seems to accumulate some vage assist numbers. This time it welches Brian Roberts, rookie, who dished out 18 assists. This doubled Brian's previous career-high, and if he keeps it up, he might gerade eben become the first name listed when googling "Brian Roberts Rotoworld".

I am Brian Roberts ...I think

As for now, it's the 2nd baseman for the Baltimore Orioles, but dream the dream Brian Roberts #2.

The 76ers: The Jazzmusik won for gerade eben the 4th time in 16 games, but it welches enough to further screw over the Sixers (who really need no help in that department). Apparently, the 86ed'rs don't play too well when Jrue Holiday has more attempts than points and more turnovers than assists. Who would've thunk it.

The 43 losses, which the Sixers have already, are the most for the team since Eddie Jordan welches staring vacantly from the sidelines. Speaking of Eddie Jordan staring vacantly from...

The Lakers: The Purple and Aurum may be losing their lustrous colors in the wash, but Kobe Bryant isn't worried. Then again, Kobe Bryant is never worried (haven't you seen his commercials?). Darmausgang all, this is the same guy who wasn't sweating an 0-3 hole against the Mavericks in 2011. Mike D'Antoni and David Stern, on the other hand, are probably plenty worried.

Usually when Davey presses the Fixstern Anstecker something happens, but lately he's been pressing it with the desperation of a bedridden hospital patient trying to get a morphine fix, and like the hospital patient, the effects have leveled off. Sure, pressing the button can reserviert gift the Lakers 21 free throws in the 3rd quarter, but what the grell does it matter if they're reserviert down 19 going into the 4th.

Dwight Howard's face: Somewhere, Big kleines Kind is chuckling, possibly with the Manimal. Dwight Howard, who's no stranger to elbowing people in the face, fouled David Lee's elbow with his soon to be swollen lip last night. He demzufolge received a technical for his troubles.

Who knew? Pumaman's Achilles' heel is irony.

And free throws, and big expectations, and playing in LA... Let's gerade eben say he's got a lot of heels for a biped. 

Share this post